It has become very popular to say that everybody is beautiful, sexy etc. Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t think so. Not every landscape is beautiful, why people should be? How often your breath is taken when you just see some person walking by or looking at you from a photo? Not every single time you just see anybody, I bet. Beauty, this ultimate visual harmony, is a rare gift and usually a lot of work on top of it. It has many faces and there is no single mold, your eyes usually should be trained by diverse visual experience to recognize it when it’s not what you expected, but it’s not something completely arbitrary.
If you are talking about human body from biochemical or medical point of view then I could agree that every body is beautiful. Complexity and that ever changing balance of human body, it’s adaptive abilities are amazing. But aesthetically most human bodies (and faces) are not beautiful. Many have some or many nice features, but there are some disharmony in them. Most people have at least one feature that can be called beautiful (eye color, shape of fingers, some gesture… possibilities are endless), but it doesn’t make them beautiful all over.
Blinded by the toxic ideas that only beautiful people are entitled to be loved, that everybody likes beautiful people, that only beautiful are meant to be happy so many people fall into a pit of the self-loathing and self-pity. But thinking that you body is not perfect (which is usually true) does not create body image issues, being unable to make peace with that simple fact does.
And here comes the idea that everybody is beautiful. Does it help? I don’t think so. I even think that it’s also toxic. Because it’s either about erasing our ability to distinguish beauty or about conflict with reality. And I doesn’t like either.
Attractiveness however is a totally different story. The vast majority of people are attractive in the eyes of other people (but of cause not all the people, and usually not most of them). Any regular person without some horrible disease which changes appearance drastically who makes very minimal effort (like keeping body, face and hair clean, buying clothes in the right size, having normal dental care, you got the idea) and who has no severe communication problems is already attractive to some (at least). If you add good attitude, some communication skills, some fitness and clothes that flatter then he or she will be attractive to many. Of cause much younger people won’t find much older person sexually attractive except some rare exceptions, but is it going to ruin lives?
I would say that about attractiveness and sexual attractiveness it’s half true, because they forget to add ‘not for all’. And have you heard that half-true is the worst kind of lies?
I think that desire to be beautiful in the eyes of everyone, to be sexy for everyone, to be loved or liked by everyone is deeply neurotic. And an attempt to believe that it’s true will make you psychotic if it will be successful.
When I was very young somebody told be that I’m not $100, so not everybody likes me. That’s very true. I’m a person. I’m quite good looking and I make some effort for that, but I’m not beautiful. There are men who think that I’m sexy as hell, and there are other men who are not interested at all. There are people who love me and there are many people who like me, but some people hate me or don’t like me, and there are billions who just don’t give a damn about me. And you know what? It’s totally ok. I don’t need to be liked by everybody to be happy. I also don’t need to be perfect to be happy. I don’t need to be sexy for every man. I don’t need to be beautiful.
I’m not my appearance, I’m not my intellect, I’m not my sexiness, I’m not my feelings. I’m all of that and so much more. All the listed is important and none is solely defining who I am.
And it’s true for any person who is ok with the reality where people who are not beautiful could be happy and could be loved, for any person who is not a hostage of opinion of others about her (or him). Any person who is capable of seeing beauty and flaws, great features and imperfections in himself/herself and others without concentrating on something completely, without loosing the whole picture. Who can love and like real people, not some ideal imaginary models of people.
Ok, I let it out of my chest, so I hope that I will resume posts about clothes, bras and how to look better with what you have soon )